This distance between us has made my heart as weak as

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silk that's frayed.

Holy shit.
I stumbled upon this blog yesterday night, around 4 am. It is amazing how much time has passed, and while I never quite saw the point of running a blog that nobody reads (I guess that's why I stopped), I totally see the point now. It's like a diary of some sort. Which has led me to the conclusion that I should try and continue writing. Nobody reads it anyway.

So... around five years since the last regular post (if you don't count the green haired one). I don't even know how to start filling in the blanks.
I guess I'll start with biology.

It is so cute to read about a first semester undergrad student worrying about their botany final.... looking back, I cannot believe I was ever worried. Career-wise, I have gotten so far since then. I passed all my courses, some even with good grades... I got a scholarship for one year abroad at Michigan State, which, of course I took. I had an amazing time there and met amazing people. I figured out that I love science. I figured out that I want to work with cyanobacteria. I learned so much there. I moved in with my boyfriend.
Then, I returned. Found a nice apartment. Graduated. Started my Masters. Found a wonderful lab. Got the exact amount of freedom I needed, learned so much, again. Graduated, again.
Now I'm a PhD student in this very lab, and while things are seriously heating up right now (achievement- and stress-wise), I'm generally pretty happy, and also financially stable I guess.

I'm single again. After four years. That was beyond tough. But my heart is so dead set on happiness that everything will be fine eventually. I have yet to put everything in a box and seal it shut... hopefully, this will be a healing experience, some kind of goodbye, so long, have a nice life.

"And if you're still bleeding you're the lucky one
'cause most of our feelings they are dead and they are gone
Setting fire to our insides for fun
collecting pictures of the flood that wrecked our home
it was a flood that wrecked this home
(and you caused it)"

I am still good friends with some of the people I knew five years back. Some have departed my life, some new friends have joined, and some have always been there, sometimes more, sometimes less.
I like to think that the people I generally spend time with now are the people that I want to invite to my wedding, that will know my kids, that will play bingo with me and laugh at young people when we're old.
Damn. Four months ago, my life seemed so messy. All the vague plans for the future that had solidified in my head over the years were gone all of a sudden. But looking back, maybe this is a good thing. To love and to be loved.

This blog is a good thing too. Let's see how long I can keep it up this time.

"You got a certain something about you
I got a past I wanna leave behind
It's been a long long time since I met someone
that made me happy to be alive

You got a way of making me hang on
to every single word you say
we stay up all night talking shit about
how I needed to get away"



Songs of the day: Deaf Havana - St. Pauls, Daughter - Youth