"Merry" Christmas!

So, this is Christmas.
But where the hell did the 'merry' part of it go?
I had the tiny and short illusion of the christmas feeling, but it passed fairly quick. And with it, my boyfriend left to Italy. I know I know, it's only two weeks. But still. Fuck.
I tried to make the feeling come again, by going to church.
I never go to church. So I did.
It worked. I was happy.
When I came home, it passed. Just like that.
We ate a wonderful meal.
It was yummy.
We opened our presents.
I got an elephant-calendar, a coffee-to-go mug, a capodaster, a glass slide, twilight, a diy book, empty CD's and make-up brushes.
Awesome presents.
Yet, where is the merry? Where?

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