This distance between us has made my heart as weak as

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silk that's frayed.

Holy shit.
I stumbled upon this blog yesterday night, around 4 am. It is amazing how much time has passed, and while I never quite saw the point of running a blog that nobody reads (I guess that's why I stopped), I totally see the point now. It's like a diary of some sort. Which has led me to the conclusion that I should try and continue writing. Nobody reads it anyway.

So... around five years since the last regular post (if you don't count the green haired one). I don't even know how to start filling in the blanks.
I guess I'll start with biology.

It is so cute to read about a first semester undergrad student worrying about their botany final.... looking back, I cannot believe I was ever worried. Career-wise, I have gotten so far since then. I passed all my courses, some even with good grades... I got a scholarship for one year abroad at Michigan State, which, of course I took. I had an amazing time there and met amazing people. I figured out that I love science. I figured out that I want to work with cyanobacteria. I learned so much there. I moved in with my boyfriend.
Then, I returned. Found a nice apartment. Graduated. Started my Masters. Found a wonderful lab. Got the exact amount of freedom I needed, learned so much, again. Graduated, again.
Now I'm a PhD student in this very lab, and while things are seriously heating up right now (achievement- and stress-wise), I'm generally pretty happy, and also financially stable I guess.

I'm single again. After four years. That was beyond tough. But my heart is so dead set on happiness that everything will be fine eventually. I have yet to put everything in a box and seal it shut... hopefully, this will be a healing experience, some kind of goodbye, so long, have a nice life.

"And if you're still bleeding you're the lucky one
'cause most of our feelings they are dead and they are gone
Setting fire to our insides for fun
collecting pictures of the flood that wrecked our home
it was a flood that wrecked this home
(and you caused it)"

I am still good friends with some of the people I knew five years back. Some have departed my life, some new friends have joined, and some have always been there, sometimes more, sometimes less.
I like to think that the people I generally spend time with now are the people that I want to invite to my wedding, that will know my kids, that will play bingo with me and laugh at young people when we're old.
Damn. Four months ago, my life seemed so messy. All the vague plans for the future that had solidified in my head over the years were gone all of a sudden. But looking back, maybe this is a good thing. To love and to be loved.

This blog is a good thing too. Let's see how long I can keep it up this time.

"You got a certain something about you
I got a past I wanna leave behind
It's been a long long time since I met someone
that made me happy to be alive

You got a way of making me hang on
to every single word you say
we stay up all night talking shit about
how I needed to get away"

Songs of the day: Deaf Havana - St. Pauls, Daughter - Youth

It's been quite a while - again!

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I really want to post more, I just keep forgetting that this blog exists and also, I never take interesting photos so I would constantly be rambling and ranting and perhaps posting pictures of my new hair colors. Speaking of which, they're green at the moment.


I should do a hair timeline of some kind. Or maybe I shouldn't. 

Aaaanyway, a lot has happened since my last post! I moved out of my parents house and into my own apartment with one of my best friends, got two lovely kitties named Miska and Poseidon - this is them -

I made some good friends at university, had an icky break-up and found new happiness quite recently. That story's kind of cool actually. We met at a bar with other biology students at the beginning of the first semester, but didn't really talk because some dude sat between us, became Facebook friends but were both too shy to talk, discovered that we both like Doctor Who a lot (and actually, a shit ton of other series) and finally he asked me if I wanted to watch Doctor Who with him some time. Which I then did. And then we went to see The Hobbit together. And then he came to my party and since then we're happy :)
 It's been a rough couple of months! Third semester was pretty much hell, especially the finals. About two weeks ago, I finally mastered all of them and fiiiiinally had some time off, so I took a trip to Paris with my boyfriend - also to get away from snowy, stinking Germany. It was absolutely lovely. We stayed at a place called the "Peace & Love Hostel", which was sort of a mix between a bar and a hostel for people between the ages of 18 and 30. They even had a little kitchen so we could prepare our own food. 
We got the room at the very top of the building, so we had to climb 7 floors of stairs each time we wanted to go up or down, which kind of sucked since we spent the majority of our time walking anyway, but we had one hell of a great view. It was rather cold, but nice and sunny and we visited some museums too. And of course the Eiffel Tower, wouldn't want to miss that one!

Right now, I'm at my parents house, trying to finish Dr. House and kinda just waiting for the weekend to be over. I have to work early this weekend - I have to get up at 6 am! I work at a senior home in my hometown. It's an okay job, but it's starting to piss me off because they constantly call me to get me to fill in for other employees, or give me shifts when I need to be at University, or because I just happen to have unfriendly co-workers. Oh, and, not to be rude, but senior homes are full of nut cases.
Hah, tomorrow I need to work and then on Monday I have to get up at seven because classes start again. Where's my well-deserved break??? Oh well. At least no exams for about three months. 

Oh! My friend Cassie is coming to visit me at the end of May. She's in Berlin for an art workshop and is taking a train to see me in Düsseldorf for four days. I'm waaay excited for that, it's been too long already and none of my American friends have visited me so far. I mean, I understand, since it's so goddamn expensive... - but that just makes the fact that she's visiting even better. :) 

I think I'm going to return to Dr. House now and then get some sleep. Here's a random picture of me and my roommate!

Hopefully I will post some more stuff soon. 
xoxo, Anna

Fieldtrip, one day before the botany final

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To clear my head, I went for a nice walk with my mom today. It's frikkin cold outside and everything is frozen, but really quite beautiful to look at. And it really did clear my head for a while.

And after tomorrow, I can hopefully really love those beautiful plants again. Gaaah <3

Physics Physics Physics! Math Math Math! Botany Botany Botany!

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Yes, those are the three exams I will need to take.
Physics is kinda screwing me over recently. I thought I had it all together, but I failed a test last week and need to retake it tomorrow. Depending on whether I fail or pass it, I may or may not be able to take the actual final exam. It should be really easy, as I basically have all the answers to the questions, but I had them last week and didn't pass, so I'm kinda nervous.

My brain is completely full of botany. It counts for 6,5 % of my entire bachelors degree, so it's kind of important that I
1.) do NOT fail this exam
2.) actually get an at least decent grade.
I'm usually a very, very ambitious person when it comes to grades; at least in High School. But there, we wrote texts about the topic, now we have multiple choice tests and I need to rely on my memory, which, oh my god, is completely terrible. It's a sponge, and by that I don't mean that it sucks up all information, but rather that it has holes ^^

Botany is basically everything and anything about plants.

-microscopes and how they work
-bacteria with photosynthesis
-endosymbiotic theory
-taxonomy of plants
-algae (god I hate those motherfuckers)
-plant cells
-reproductive system and generation change; spores, gametes, everything
-moss (bryophytes)
-gymno/ angiosperms (basically any plant with seeds)
-blossoms and fruits and seeds
-movement of plants
-secondary growth of the shoot axis
-phloem, xylem, wood


If you are interested in constantly having a life and not studying until you hate yourself and every green thing around you, seriously, don't study biology. If you find it interesting, as I do, curiously, despite studying my brains out, then go for it!

The thing is, as i mentioned.... I've been concentrating on botany the whole time. Three days after the botany exam, there will be a math exam, which will be completely brutal - calculus + statistics... absolutely deadly. And a week after that, there will be physics, which will be easier than math, but still a challenge, as I simply suck at physics. I'm trying, but.... it's just so hard.

This has been a post.

Sorry about rambling about my biology studies. I promise, it'll end soon and I'll have more interesting stuff to post about :) It's just that this is my life right now. 

Peace out yo!! Have a good, peaceful night :) xx

One week until finals - and "More about me" page on the side ->>

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UGH. Short study break because I just need to rant.
I hate finals. I hate them with a passion. Of course NOW that I don't have time to put up with everybodys shit, everybody comes and asks me to put up with their shit / help them deal with it.
My ex for example. He just asks me if we can hang out every day... and I keep telling him that I can't because I need to study. Then, he tells me that he still likes me, which is shit because I have made the effort to stop liking him after he dumped me. Which worked out GREAT. I mean it.
But then, he is soooo fucking desperate to get a girlfriend, it doesn't even seem to matter whom he choses, as long as it's a girl with some sort of tits. I swear to god there's a new girl every week.
And NO, I'm not jealous, I'm just tired of that shit.

Then, there's a friend of mine at university. He's a really good friend, we really like each other, but we keep getting into fights because I'm a bit moody sometimes (due to stressfulness and finals!!!) and then he tells me that we need to stop being friends because he's really unhappy. Four days pass and we're friends again. I swear, this happens way too often for a friendshit that is only two months old.

Okay, my life sounds really dramatic right now

and that is totally not what I want in life. I can't stand drama queens and I like my life simple and nice, with people who I like and who like me, and who can put up with my bad moods every once in a while. In return, I will put up with their bad moods of course, but PLEASE, let me talk some sense into you!!!

/rant over.

Space. The final frontier. DIY Nebula tank top.

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Today, instead of studying like I should (>_<), I made a galaxy/nebula shirt out of acrylic paint and my brothers old t-shirt.

First, I cut off the sleeves, turned the thing inside out, cut open the sides and cut off the collar. I then adjusted it so it had a nice, tight fit and sewed it all together, the colorful print now being on the inside so it wouldn't disturb the nebula.
Then, I started out with the nebula by sponging some white color on the material and distributing it relatively uneven. After that, I took a paintbrush and randomly mixed blue, green and pink with white for the lighter parts and faded them out with darker and darker tones of those colors. Then I took a toothbrush for the stars and added a few bigger dots with a tiny paintbrush. The back is painted similarly, but I don't like it as much. The stars certainly make it look more like a nebula.
When I have the chance, I will paint the words 'Space. The final frontier' on the front and 'STAR TREK' on the back :) Oh the things you think of when you don't want to study.

My night will consist of Math, Physics and watching Star Trek. What is my life....

Have a great night!

Star Trek, Stupidity, and new shoes

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Hey fellas!
I've finally decided to live my lifelong dream and be a Star Trek something-or-other for Carnival this year. I found this amazingly accurate dress on the internet and ordered it:
I also already made the Combadge, I wanted it to look a little like this, without ordering it:
It turned out like this, of course, being a biology major, with the science insignia:
I actually like it quite a lot. This costume is going to be SO AWESOME! I only need to figure out tights, shoes and hairdo. But that shouldn't be an issue, my hair is long enough to do pretty much anything with it.
Yeah, speaking of hair, left side is airdried, right side is blowdried. I like the left side better.
I also got new shoes today, I went to a thrift store with my mom to look at furniture and other stuff, potantially for my future appartment which, at the moment, seems to be in the VERY FAR future. Eh x.x
Anyways, shoes for 10€:
And speaking of shoes, I also took a better picture/ better pictures of my glittery shoes. OH MY GOD I love them so much. I call them my "disco shoes", and they have been on quite a few disco trips as well.

Last but not least, to not leave out the "Stupidity" in my title.... I actually fell down half a staircase today, but not because I tripped or got pushed or anything, NO - it was because I actually got distracted ON the staircase and forgot that I was on it. I then quickly stepped forward and found myself lying on the floor, on my stomach. Fun times. I didn't hurt myself or break anything though. I'm just really glad I skipped university, heaven knows what would've happened to me :D

On that note, have a good friday (night).